ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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