Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
