Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
