I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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