She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
