just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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