U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
