he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
