My friends, they love my intelligence
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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