Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
