we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
