Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
