You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
