id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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