in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
