We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
