We're like a lot better than the average bears
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
