it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
