just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
