You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
