My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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