she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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