I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
