we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
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Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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