Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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