So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
