Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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