I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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