My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You are the jesus of drinking
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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