no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
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I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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