if you like me you must not know who I am
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
