I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
