how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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