I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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