I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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