My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
