You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
