Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
