defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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