a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
