Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
