Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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