if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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