batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
