I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
