he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize