Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
