Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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