Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
