Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i wish my penis had a tongue
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
