Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
