Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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