I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
