And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
