Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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