It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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