Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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