i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize