I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
