I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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