We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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