do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
