Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
