You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
