Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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