I wish my penis had an off switch
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
