I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
