she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
