New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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