So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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