I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
