Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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