The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
