Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
