FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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