We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
