Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
