I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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