So drunk its hurt
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
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Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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