After last night, I could never be a politician.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
