He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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