I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You took a bar mat shot.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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