walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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