What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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