just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
wow bdsm is so cute
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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