Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
