Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
