just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
