Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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