why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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