Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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