My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
