Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
