just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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