All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
